Asexuals and Attitudes Towards Sex

Asexuality is an orientation, not an ideology. Asexual people can have a wide variety of attitudes towards sex, both in a wider cultural sense and in personal relationships. Some asexual people may have an openly accepting attitude towards sex in society at large while not being open to having sex themselves. Conversely, some asexual people may hold conservative attitudes towards sex in broader cultural contexts, while being open to compromise within a relationship. These attitudes come in all combinations.

Cultural Attitudes Towards Sex

Attitudes towards sex on a cultural or societal level is a widely discussed topic, both in the asexual community and mainstream dialogue. These attitudes are often broken down into three categories: Sex-Positive, Sex-Neutral, and Sex-Negative. Examples of attitudes or beliefs in these categories include:

Sex-Positive: healthy portrayals of sexuality in media and entertainment, comprehensive sex education, widespread access to sexual health services, no slut-shaming, accepting of alternative lifestyles (e.g. polyamory, kinks/fetishes, unattached sex partners)

Sex-Neutral: moderate and non-graphic portrayals of sexuality in media and entertainment, basic sex education, alternative lifestyles should be kept behind closed doors

Sex-Negative: censorship of sexual content in media and entertainment, sex as a topic should stay in the bedroom, sex is only healthy between committed couples, sex education should be sparse and taught by parents instead of the classroom

Personal Attitudes Towards Having Sex

Asexual people don’t experience sexual attraction or have their own intrinsic need for sexual activity, but that doesn’t mean none of them have sex. Many asexual people are in relationships with sexual partners, and they may be willing to come up with ways to enjoy sex to keep their relationship healthy. Asexual people’s attitudes towards having sex are often broken down into three categories: Sex-Favorable, Sex-Indifferent, and Sex-Averse/Sex-Repulsed. Factors that determine where an asexual person falls in these categories may include:

Sex-Favorable: a positive willingness to compromise with a sexual partner, openness to finding ways to enjoy sexual activity in a physical or emotional way, happy to give sexual pleasure rather than receive

Sex-Indifferent: might be willing to compromise on a few things on an occasional basis, doesn’t enjoy sex much in a physical or emotional way but doesn’t feel distressed thinking about it, might be willing to give pleasure but doesn’t find it intimate

Sex-Averse/Sex-Repulsed: has a distressed or visceral reaction to the thought of having sex, not willing to compromise (note that the term used may depend on the subjective degree of the reaction)

Combinations of These Attitudes

Asexual people come in all combinations of these attitudes towards sex. These can be briefly summarized in this chart:

There are varying degrees within all of these categories. For example, some asexual people are only favorable towards certain sexual acts, or may only develop this level of comfort with certain people at certain points in their lives. On the cultural attitude side, some people with overall sex-negative views might have relaxed attitudes towards certain topics, or someone might be generally sex-neutral but believe strongly in comprehensive sex ed. While sexual orientation is a generally consistent characteristic in most people, attitudes towards sex can change over time, whether that’s based on cultural shifts, interpersonal connections, or life experiences, which can apply to asexual and sexual people alike.